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The ‹lol› Clan
The Friendly Clan 8.9.3.34:7777 |
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Gunslinger
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Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 231
Location: Hearst, ON, Canada
Sun Sep 13, 2009 6:20 pm
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A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation.
She was awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked,
"How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied,
"Yes, you'll be fine.
It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
lol Dan
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BK
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Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 75
Location: Wisconsin, U.S.A.
Wed Oct 21, 2009 12:11 pm
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Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a
drive-in movie?
They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
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BK
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Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 75
Location: Wisconsin, U.S.A.
Wed Oct 21, 2009 12:12 pm
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A blonde and her husband are lying in bed
listening to the next door neighbor's dog.
It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
"I've had enough of this". She goes
downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed
and her husband says "The dog is still barking,
what have you been doing?"
The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard,
let's see how THEY like it!
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Spelling don't count
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Gunslinger
new
Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 231
Location: Hearst, ON, Canada
Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:36 pm
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A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises
coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked
lying on the bed, sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.
'I think I'm having a heart attack,'
cries the husband..
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone,
but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son comes
up and says,
'Mommy! Mommy! Aunty Shirley is hiding in your
wardrobe and she's got no clothes on!'
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back
upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, rips open
the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister,
totally naked and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten 'Bitch', she
screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and
you're running around naked playing hide and seek with
the kids!
lol Dan
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Zzzt
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Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 33
Location: Boston, MA
Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:19 pm
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A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife's voice from the kitchen. "What would you like for dinner Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"
He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
"F*ck You. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat."
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"Long live the fighters!" - Paul "Muad'Dib" Atreides
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Zzzt
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Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 33
Location: Boston, MA
Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:22 pm
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An Irish priest was transferred to Texas . Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station......The conversation went like this:
''Good morning, This is Sergeant Jones, How might I help you?''
''And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn.
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk,
''Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!''
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment..........................................
Father O'Malley then replied: ''Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.''
You have to get up pretty early to out wit a Irish priest.
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"Long live the fighters!" - Paul "Muad'Dib" Atreides
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Gunslinger
new
Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 231
Location: Hearst, ON, Canada
Wed Feb 17, 2010 12:56 pm
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A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons, nor prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into
motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to
slide from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm
grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down
the horse's side anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from
the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now
at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck
against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when to her great fortune.... Frank, the Walmart
greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
And you thought all they did was say Hello.
lol Dan
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Gunslinger
new
Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 231
Location: Hearst, ON, Canada
Wed Mar 03, 2010 2:40 am
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks,
Can you tell me how long it'll take
to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
lol Dan
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Gunslinger
new
Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 231
Location: Hearst, ON, Canada
Tue Aug 24, 2010 7:24 pm
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Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said , "So y'all want to be cops , huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up , opened a file drawer , and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down , he opened it , pulled out a picture , and said , "To be a detective , you have
to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing
features and oddities like scars and so forth."
So saying , he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew
it after about two seconds. "Now , " he said , "did you notice any distinguishing features
about this man?"
The blonde immediately said , "Yes , I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said , "Of course he has only one eye in
this picture!
It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde , stuck the photo in her
face for two seconds , pulled it back , and said , "What about you? Notice
anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed , "Didn't you hear
what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can
only see one ear! You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said ,
"This is probably a waste of time , but...." He flashed the photo in her
face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it , saying , "All right , did you notice anything distinguishing or
unusual about this man?"
The blonde said , "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses." The detective frowned ,
took another look at the picture , and began looking at some of the papers in the
folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said ,
"You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world
could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said , "Well , Hellooooooooooooo! With only
one eye and one ear , he certainly can't wear glasses."
lol Dan
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